That Reminds Me…

Comrade Doug’s comment below of what will happen when he conquers the planet has put me in mind of a couple of sites that are an excellent source of advice for budding would-be tyrants.

The first being Peter’s Evil Overlord List, source of such good advice as:

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner’s manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

The second site being Skippy’s List – or “213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army”, among other things:

6. Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.



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5 responses to “That Reminds Me…

  1. Doug

    Now that I have the command chair I’ll need a large fleet of these: The conquest continuing on schedule quite nicely.

  2. dan

    Well, I for one, welcome our Dinosaur Overlords…

  3. Doug

    Then there will be a place for you in my empire.

  4. Flash

    My favorite has always been that the Evil Fortress shall not have air ducts large enough to crawl through. Pretty basic, in my opinion.

  5. dan

    I like the one about sticking around to enjoy my enemy’s death – makes sense, really.

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